The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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