he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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