it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
