I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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