my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
