I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
