She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
