I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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