A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
