are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
