Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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