I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
is it fun? or sober?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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