I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
