my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
