This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
