I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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