I'm going to jail i love you
accomplished twins. life is a go
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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