i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
