i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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