The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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