haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
