I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
