he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
