The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
