Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
