Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
