I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
