Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
