Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
