There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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