I wish I could teleport
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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