Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
