My first STD was from a foam party
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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