dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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