I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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