Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
