there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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