Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
