A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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