Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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