i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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