doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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