Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
