Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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