I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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