Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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