She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Operation Purity has been aborted
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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