i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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