that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
