Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
